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Stephen Found Trump’s IQ Test Results

Stephen Found Trump’s IQ Test Results


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,”
EVERYBODY. I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( APPLAUSE )
UPON LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SO FAR, IT HAS BEEN A ROUGH START
TO THE SCHOOL YEAR FOR DONALD TRUMP. HIS REPORT CARD IS DEFINITELY
GOING TO SAY “HAS PROBLEMS WORKING AND PLAYING WELL
WITH OTHERS.” AND THERE’S NOT MUCH WE CAN DO. WHAT CAN WE DO? BECAUSE THE OVAL OFFICE DOESN’T
HAVE ANY CORNERS. BECAUSE IT’S OPEN WARFARE
BETWEEN TRUMP AND REPUBLICANS. IT ALL STARTED IN AN ATTEMPT TO
AVOID OPEN WARFARE WITH NORTH KOREA. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU SEE, SECRETARY OF STATE AND DISAPPOINTED FATHER TRIBUTE
HEAD, REX TILLERSON, WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TENSE NEGOTIATIONS
ABOUT NORTH KOREA AND THEIR NUCLEAR PROGRAM,
WHEN TRUMP TWEETED THAT TILLERSON WAS “WASTING HIS TIME
TRYING TO NEGOTIATE WITH LITTLE ROCKET MAN.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, WE ALL KNOW, EVERYBODY
KNOWS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO DEFUSE A TENSE
NUCLEAR STANDOFF THAN WITH INSULT HUMOR. WHO CAN FORGET DURING THE CUBAN
MISSILE CRISIS WHEN KENNEDY TWEETED, “CUEBALL @KHRUSHCHEV
AND LI’L BEARDY DON’T HAVE THE BALLS. I DOUBLE-DOG DARE YOU TO PUSH
THE BUTTON.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GOT, I DOUBLE-DOG DARE YOU. I DOUBLE-DOG–
WELL, TODAY, IN A INTERVIEW WITH “FORBES,” TRUMP DEFENDED HIS
ACTIONS TOWARDS TILLERSON, SAYING, “HE WAS WASTING HIS
TIME. I’M NOT UNDERMINING. I THINK I’M ACTUALLY
STRENGTHENING AUTHORITY.” “YES, I’M NOT BURNING YOUR HOUSE
DOWN. I’M LOWERING YOUR HEATING
BILLS.” ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, TO THANK HIM, TO THANK HIM FOR ALL THAT STRENGTHENING OF
AUTHORITY, TILLERSON CALLED HIM A
“(BLEEP) MORON.” ALLEGEDLY. ALLEGEDLY.>>Jon: MY GOODNESS!>>Stephen: BUT TODAY– WAS
THIS TODAY– THIS MORNING, DONALD TRUMP HAD AN ANSWER FOR
THAT, TOO: “I THINK IT’S FAKE NEWS, BUT IF
HE DID THAT, I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO COMPARE I.Q. TESTS. AND I CAN TELL YOU WHO IS GOING
TO WIN.” ( LAUGHTER )
ME, TOO, BECAUSE WE HAVE THE RESULTS OF THEIR I.Q. TESTS
RIGHT HERE. TILLERSON SCORED A 120. IT’S ABOVE AVERAGE, NOT GENIUS,
BUT STILL PRETTY GOOD. AND WE’VE GOT TRUMP’S. IT’S A DRAWING OF A BIG TRUCK
THAT SAYS “MAGA.” AND THERE’S TRUMP RIGHT THERE
SAYING, “HORVEG-HONK.” AND HERE’S REX TILLERSON, BUT
TRUMP CALLS HIM REX SMELLERSON. SO IT’S A TOSS-UP. WE’RE NOT ENTIRELY SURE. INTO THIS IMBROGUELIO,
ENTER CHAIRMAN OF THE SENATE FOREIGN RELATIONS COMMITTEE AND
MAN REHEARSING “HAMLET,” BOB CORKER. SENATOR CORKER– AGAIN, THIS IS
A REPUBLICAN, MEMBER OF THE SAME PARTY AS THE PRESIDENT,
SAID THAT TILLERSON, MATTIS, AND JOHN KELLY ARE ALL THAT
SEPARATES AMERICA FROM CHAOS. THAT’S RIGHT. HOOBLS WE ARE IN THE “BEFORE”
TIMES. AS HEAD OF THE FOREIGN RELATIONS
COMMITTEE, KEEP IN MIND, CORKER KNOWS EVERYTHING. HE HAS ACCESS TO ALL THE SECRET
FOREIGN– I’M GOING TO SAY STUFF. AND HE HAS SOME BOWEL- LOOSENING
OPINIONS ABOUT OUR PRESIDENT. IN A RECORDED INTERVIEW WITH
“THE NEW YORK TIMES,” CORKER SAID THAT BECAUSE OF TRUMP’S
CARELESS TWITTER ERUPTIONS, “WE COULD BE HEADING TOWARD WORLD
WAR III.” ALL THIS TIME WE’VE BEEN WORRIED
THE NEXT WAR WOULD BE CAUSED BY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE. TURNS OUT THE REAL DANGER IS
NATURAL STUPIDITY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I’LL MISS US. I’LL MISS US. WE HAD A GOOD RUN. WE HAD A GOOD RUN. NOW, CORKER THINKS THE PRESIDENT
IS SO IMPULSIVE, HE HAS TO BE MANAGED LIKE A TODDLER. BUT THAT IS RIDICULOUS. OUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF PROVED HE
CAN BE TRUSTED WITH THE NUCLEAR TRIAD WITH THIS MATURE RESPONSE:
“THE FAILING @NYTIMES SET LIDDLE BOB CORKER UP BY RECORDING HIS
CONVERSATION. WAS MADE TO SOUND A FOOL, AND
THAT’S WHAT I AM DEALING WITH!” WHAT YOU’RE DEALING WITH IS A
CRIPPLING CASE OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY
DISORDER. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT’S– TWO THINGS, THAT AND THIS. ALLEGEDLY. I’M NOT A DOCTOR. THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THAT
TRUMP HAS CRITICIZED CORKER’S HEIGHT WITH THE LIDDLE. LAST YEAR, CORKER WAS IN THE
RUNNING TO BE IN TRUMP’S CABINET, BUT TRUMP THOUGHT
CORKER WAS TOO SHORT TO BE SECRETARY OF STATE. HE EVEN MADE HIM STAND NEXT TO
THE SIGN, “YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO CALL THE PRESIDENT A MORON.”>>Jon: WOW!>>Stephen: AND TODAY, AND
TODAY, WE LEARNED THAT CORKER MIGHT BE ON TO SOMETHING BECAUSE
ACCORDING TO POLITICO, WHITE HOUSE AIDES USE DELAYS AND
DISTRACTION TO MANAGE TRUMP. CHIEF OF STAFF JOHN KELLY “HAS
TRIED TO LIMIT BAD DECISIONS BY BLOCKING INFORMATION FROM THE
PRESIDENT’S DESK.” AND SOMETIMES, STAFFERS WOULD
EVEN DISTRACT HIM WITH A VISUAL AID “LIKE CHARTS ON HOW FARMERS
MIGHT FEEL ABOUT ENDING THE NORTH AMERICAN FREE TRADE
AGREEMENT.” AND AN EXECUTIVE WITH THE TRUMP
ORGANIZATION EXPLAINS THAT “YOU EITHER HAD TO JUST CONVINCE HIM
SOMETHING BETTER WAS HIS IDEA, OR IGNORE WHAT HE SAID TO DO AND
HOPED HE’D FORGOT ABOUT IT THE NEXT DAY.” BECAUSE, LIKE A TODDLER, TRUMP
LACKS OBJECT PERMANENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
“WHAT NAFTA DEAL, DONALD? THERE’S NO NAFTA DEAL. IT ROLLED BEHIND THE COUCH. IT’S GONE FOREVER.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
WELL, THE NEXT TIME WHITE HOUSE STAFFERS NEED TO DISTRACT DONALD
TRUMP, THEY CAN ALWAYS SHOW HIM THIS REPORT FROM OUR IN-HOUSE
NEWS TEAM, “REAL NEWS TONIGHT.” JIM?>>WELCOME TO “REAL NEWS
TONIGHT.”>>I’M JIM ANCHORTON.>>AND I’M JILL NEWSLADY.>>AND I’M RECEIVING A BREAKING
NEWS STORY RIGHT HERE. PUERTO RICO IS STILL REELING
FROM HURRICANE MARIA WITH 85% OF THE ISLAND STILL WITHOUT POWER
AND 40% WITHOUT POTABLE WATER. WE’LL HAVE MORE ON THIS STORY
TOMORROW, OR MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.>>MAYBE AFTER CHRISTMAS.>>BUT FOR NOW, LOOK AT THIS
CHART!>>OOOH, SO MANY BRIGHT COLORS.>>THE NUMBER OF SMILING FARMERS
ON CHARTS IS SKYROCKETING.>>AND THERE’S BIG NEWS FROM
NORTH KOREA, WHERE– YOU KNOW WHAT? READING AHEAD, I’M NOT GOING TO
SHARE THIS ONE WITH THE PRESIDENT. LET’S MOVE ON.>>THE LATEST APPROVAL NUMBERS
ARE IN FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP, AND IT’S LOOKING VERY POSITIVE. BECAUSE HE’S STILL IN THE
POSITIVE NUMBERS.>>WE’LL HAVE MORE ON THAT
EVENTUALLY. BUT FOR NOW, LET’S INTRODUCE THE
NEWEST MEMBER OF THE “REAL NEWS” TEAM, PEPPER THE PUPPY PUNDIT. WHAT’S THAT, PEPPER? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PRESIDENT
IS KILLING ANY CHANCE OF PASSING LEGISLATION BY ALIENATING
MEMBERS OF HIS OWN PARTY IN CONGRESS.>>OH, PEP ELET’S NOT BORE THE
PRESIDENT WITH THAT SORT OF INFORMATION.>>GOOD LUCK, PEPPER ON YOUR NEW
ASSIGNMENT– CHIEF CORRESPONDENT TO THE FARM UPSTATE.>>COMING UP, WEBSTER ANNOUNCES
THE WORD OF THE YEAR AS THE PRESIDENT’S VERY OWN LIDDLE
SPELLED WITH DOUBLE “D”s.>>EVEN HIS HILARIOUS NICKNAMES
HAVE LARGE BREASTS.>>I WISH I HAD LARGE BREASTS SO
THE PRESIDENT WOULD LOVE ME.>>Stephen: THANK YOU, GUYS. THEY DO SUCH A GOOD JOB, SO
GOOD.


Reader Comments

  1. Trump was maga cum louder in college. A real genius. Fat bastard. Is a real piece of worl. A disgrace to the american people.

  2. We're extra-related to the good life in Christ. That one's just being torn asunder. I'm summoning the stars on your behalf. Before the Andromeda galaxy hits. I'm trying to correct mis-perceptions/presentations chronicling earth and its history in some civilizations there. Your couch is my Israel.

  3. This colbert have nothing to say but negatives to other people..he has no respect ..he accepts bribe in exchage of his incessant tirade..who gaves him the right to that a president elected by millions of americans..it doesnt make sense

  4. Clearly he is paid for doing this.day by day everyday.how much is he receiving? Will he need the money to buy food..i think he has enough in life..it doesnt make sense

  5. You what ..whether you like it or not..soon you will die because of age..why dont you use your years to make good things…no body will remember him unlike plato and aristotle..who make contributions

  6. His contributions to mankind is to destroy the mind of his audience..destroying all the good values that the school teaches to children..

  7. If his president will be ruined bec. Of people like him..he will be happily paid..he will use the money to buy the stuff he already have..or to buy people ..change their views..but you may have all the money..at your death bed..not even a single penny will go with you colbert..and nobody will remeber you

  8. Colbert man..you can be a good teacher..you are a good speaker and actor in front of the class…make contributions..but look what happened to you..you are using your gift above to disrespect your president..is that how you are raised and taught at school in d USA?

  9. Where is the good values you learned from your teachers way back..it seems you are using all your learnings to disrespect people like your president..imagine you can do that to a president..how much more to an ordinary americans..

  10. We admire americans plainly because they are pioneers of science..they wrote books for us..but seeing a person like colbert makes me wonder how american schools teachers moral values in their school…

  11. Man you are clearly a failure of a system of education..a failure to a society..you are not inspiring people instead you poison their minds..

  12. How does it feel for a man who is happily paid when he successfully poison the mind of his viewers..i wonder how educated people endure listening to him…i

  13. They should never manipulate and poke fun at a sick man. Remove him, his own party is doing more harm than good.

  14. Trump has an IQ in excess of 150. It’s hilarious to watch you losers with LITERAL room temperature IQ’s call him an idiot! Mega LOLZ! TRUMP 2020!

  15. It funny the guy who work under other and gets pay ..mocking the guy who has more than 10 billion empire that also in terms of iq
    What the fuck😂😂

    If trump wasnt smart he wouldnt have eaten up gop and demorats single handly

    He became gop leader right at the time when he step up
    He is born leader .

    I dont care about his precidency how good or bad he is doing …but he is really really smart and brillent guy

  16. Natural stupidity hahahaha you are more informative than funny IMO, maybe because of the seriousness of the subject matter, but every now and then you get some huge laughs from me!

  17. Mr. Colberg you have to admit he is crafty. Not long ago he was even a little bit funny and pleasing to watch. Sadly enough, little by little, he has been showing how much big
    interests, the big enterprise own him. And I say he is crafty because when you watch
    his show it seems as if he is favor of noble causes, the liberal ideas that have been taking shape in the USA. But…is all false; all a hypocritical discourse. One day he is belittling  Trump, making fun of his idiotic attitudes and the next day he is making fun of Bernie Sanders. If whoever comes forth threatening these big interests, regardless of what Political Party , immediately becomes a target of his mockery and attack.  Big bullshit that what he really is.

  18. total bullshit!!! The results of I.Q. tests are personal information and cannot be released without prior written approval!!!

  19. Having been clocked with an IQ of 156 in high school, it's always been fairly easy for me to distinguish the smart from the stupid in this world.
    My take on Mr. Trump?
    He's NOT A REAL SMART GUY. Like…REALLY not smart.

  20. Donald Trump is possibly the Dumbest Dude that hit the streets in the last 72 years. He can't even be embarrassed.

  21. *EVEN IF IT'S "0", IT'S STILL BETTER THAN WHAT'S IN Y-O-U-R- COCONUT ARCHIVES! IF NOTHING ELSE THAN BOTHER YOUR POOR BONES & NOGGIN, HE'S AT LEAST ~DOING~ THINGS, WHILE ~YOU ALL AT FAKE-NEWS~ ARE JUST SHITTIN' VERBAL DIARRHEA …
    T-O-T-A-L-L-Y USELESS CRAP & PROPAGANDA – IT SURE AIN'T INFORMATIVE JOURNALISM!
    BUNCH OF SAD-SACS!*

  22. I wish someone would push the button and end this show, listening to Colbert is like listening to a drunk teenage girl complain about her boyfriend while making you hold her hair while she pukes all over herself, the perfect cheerleader for the left, what a hack

  23. Iq test is mostly bullshit design to tell what the average intelligence is. I scored a 135 but I’m really not that smart I just understand patterns

  24. The IQ test report would be hacked by the Russians to make him look bad when results came in. Or so he would claim.

  25. Of course they want a mentally challenged man in the white house. So they can control him easily. Who wants to lay odds that they keep this idiot in the white house for 2020? The real people who run things like having him around so they can get what they want done without any problems.

  26. YOUR ARE A POOR POOR DESPEAKABLE MAN. YOU, HATER, SELLED YOU CONVICTION, YOUR HONOR, TO BECOME A CLOWN FOR UNRESPECFUL AND UNPATRIOTICS BEASTS YOU ARE SO HUNGER OF FAME NOT MATTERS THE PRICE. PRESIDENT TRUMP IS THE "PRESIDENT OF USA". AND YOU ARE A PATHETIC OLD MOCKER AND PUPPET.

  27. Trump's so smart and such a great businessman that he lost a BILLION DOLLARS!
    Wow, what business sense. No wonder he had to run for president, cheat with Russia and win so he could fleece the American taxpayers and fill his pockets with their $$$$$!!!!!

  28. Republicans and Democrats, cut the crap, and evil divisional bullshit, before we ALL end up fried!!

  29. I saw this and thought this should be good. I wasn't dissapointed. But it's not all his fault after all he was 'educated' in America.

  30. Rumpty seems to be stunted as far as his education. He works on a fifth grade level. He was put in military school at a grade school age. He apparently learned nothing but how to bully others. And it is apparent that Daddy's money bought his diplomas thru out his academic life.

  31. We make jokes about the demise of our free nation into an autocratic dictatorship headed by an orange tyrant. Pelosi is an obstructive and self serving traitor to the democratic party.

  32. Know what I say? I say give him all the info, good and bad, to Trump. The people need to see for themselves what kind of compulsive maniac Trump is. The truth must not be hidden.

  33. " What NAFTA deal Donald? It rolled behind the couch and is gone forever "

    Pure genius….or is that stable genius? LOL!

  34. Love America
    Dump Trump/Putin 2020
    Growing membership of the Axis of Perversion
    Trump/Kim/Putin/MBS/Barr/Kavanaugh/Epstein and so on and so on…….

  35. Brain dead people have an I.Q. of ZERO. Perhaps the best thing that can happen is that the rest of Trump joins his brain's status as well. If there was a time in the future, where the entire Trump extended family was on a trip together, like on a nice, new Boeing 737-MAX 8 jet piloted by the widow of the pilot of Lion Air flight 610. Remember October 29, 2018 please. The plane was a gift from the folks at Boeing, for Trump's help in fast tracking the FAA's investigation after the crash. You know, don't worry about Boeing Corp. It will be fine. It still has a very robust military defense business. Heck! Boeing just needs to shift the product to a different market segment. Instead of selling the new jet to friendly countries, Boeing can offer it exclusively to the Royal Family of Saud for their personal transportation between their various palaces. That would be nice. Pull up! Pull up! I can hear the pilot screams now! Make America Great Again!

  36. Actually, Donald Trump does posses some intelligence. It is comparable to the intelligence of a Remora. His whole life has been essentially that of a Remora fish. I Binged the Remora fish, and here is the result:

    The remoras, sometimes called suckerfish, are a family of ray-finned fish in the order Perciformes. They grow to 7–75 cm long. Their distinctive first dorsal fins take the form of a modified oval, sucker-like organ with slat-like structures that open and close to create suction and take a firm hold against the skin of larger marine animals. 

    He is a fine specimen of his species. Don't you agree? He is a true animal of opportunity and survival, taking shelter from larger fish, often sharks or large rays. Feeding off the debris created after the feeding of the larger animal (American Economy), he clings to it's body without exerting any real effort, or creating any real value for it's host. It sort of swims along for the free ride. Make America Great Again!

  37. I will give Trump an I.Q of 189. One I.Q. point for every passenger:

    Lion Air Flight 610 was a scheduled domestic flight operated by the Indonesian airline Lion Air from Soekarno–Hatta International Airport in Jakarta to Depati Amir Airport in Pangkal Pinang. On 29 October 2018, the Boeing 737 MAX 8 operating the route crashed into the Java Sea 12 minutes after takeoff, killing all 189 passengers and crew.
    It was the first major accident involving the new Boeing 737 MAX series aircraft, introduced in 2017, and the deadliest involving a 737, surpassing Air India Express Flight 812in 2010.

  38. How does the C.E.O. of Boeing Corp. live with himself? I know, when he can't sleep, he calls his friend and benefactor Donald Trump and they engage in phone sex.

  39. So does Donald have any Penetentiaries as Real Estate holdings in the Trump empire of properties? If not, he should look into it. It sounds like a very good business. Below I found some statistics that Don should take his massive intelligence and reflect on. Hey, Don, don't bother thanking me! Just make more money!

    At the state level, however, the department said that black male prisoners represent 38 percent of the population while whites males account for 35 percent and 21 percent are Hispanic males. Overall, blacks are 5.1 more times likely to be incarcerated than whites, and blacks represent more than half of the prison population in 11 states.

    Make America Great Again!

  40. I have a new slogan for the Trump Campaign for his reelection in 2020. It goes like this: "The only good black man is an incarcerated black man. Make White America Great Again!:" Paid for by the committee to reelect Donald Trump.

    Praise Jesus. God is Great! Thank you Lord for giving us President Trump. If is was not for him, our black men would be homeless.

  41. Trump said that he agrees with raising the minimum wage to $15.00 per hour. He also said that each and every American rent an apartment from the newly created Trump Properties, residential communities of the future. So yes, we can get this wage passed legislatively. But we all need to sign a lease with Don. After all, one hand washes the other, am I right? Yes Don, as always, you are 100% correct.

  42. I saw those nice Trump Properties, Apartment for Americans. Actually they are empty shipping containers sitting on the dock in Long Beach, CA. Nice Segway. Homeless problem solved Seattle! So a another benefit of the Trade War with China. I see a Win-Win here.

  43. Two weeks before the November 2020 elections, ICE will sweep through America searching and serving deportation orders. Unfortunately, ICE will actually be deporting all of the legally residing and registered voters of Latino and African American descent to the great country of Brazil. ICE originally wanted to simply deport to Mexico, but later decided that there was too great of a chance of some repatriating. In Brazil, the Government there has a series of very large and abandoned (Olympic facilities) buildings recently created with no real purpose other than to transfer wealth from the Brazilian Government to friends and family of Dilma. Isn't it wonderful how Governments around the world have learned to build massively expensive, and completely useless public works projects simply to transfer wealth to the Government officials, their families, friends, business partners and in general perpetuate Super Crony Capitalism? Who says you can't buy votes?

  44. I see a deal in the making. We will send Brazil all of our convicted felons now incarcerated in all of America's prisons. We will pay Brazil $10 per month per felon to feed, house and guard the prisoners. $1/month will actually go to the feeding of the prisoners. Yes, it is possible to feed someone for $1/month. Haven't you seen all those Unicef and Save the Children commercials?

  45. I see my own future. I see a Black SUV pull up along side me as I walk to the grocery store. A tall white man, very well dressed get's out from the passenger side, and says, "Would you come with me please?" I reply, "Will you take me somewhere quiet, and put a bullet in my head, and later claim I resisted arrest?". He replies, "Sure, if you like, I just wanted to take you to visit the President at the White House for your outstanding service to America." So I stood there for a second and said, "Oh just shoot me here!".

  46. Put him in the oval office and tell him there is a porn star in the corner . Keep hib busy . If he got 2 weeks to live hed take us all

  47. Oh yeah the people here in the comments are so smart so smart that they realize that the American people are the ones that should change to win the elections in 2020.. it's the people that should change not the Democratic Party cuz the Democratic party is so smart

  48. Oh my GOD it's very clear Trump has apparently failed English, economics , history and geography. Apparently Trump has failed bible education too . He thought the 10 commandments said you should comment.

  49. I loved this show untill the whole thing revolved around Trump jokes.
    Please do something else , we need a break from tired political crap.

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