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Ranking every hat in Red Dead Redemption 2

Ranking every hat in Red Dead Redemption 2


What is a cowboy without a hat? It is iconic. It serves a purpose. And in Red Dead Redemption 2, you get a choice
of 36 hats you can equip while at camp. Well, pardner, saddle up, because I’m about
to rank every single Red Dead hat based on my patented Form, Funk, and Fance criteria
system. Form, how well was it made? Funk, how well does it function? And Fance, how fabulous is it? Obviously we need a control group, so “no
hat” is our baseline. Spoiler Warning: You’re about to see every
single hat in Red Dead Redemption 2. Let’s rank these babies! Starting with the Worn Cavalry Hat. It’s poorly made, and it makes it harder to
see when you’re riding on a horse. If you wear this hat to my house, I’m going
to ask you to take it off, and then I’m gonna ask you to leave. The Goat Flop Hat. It’s barely better than the Worn Cavalry Hat. The Worn Flat Cap. Look, Arthur’s a cowboy, not in a community
theatre production of Newsies. The Legendary Beaver Flop Hat. If the 1890s had an equivalent of peacocking,
this would be it. The Western Hat. From the name, I expected something better
than whatever the hell this thing is. The Ram Sombrero. Now I know most of these hats are made out
of wool or hide, but this one really screams, “I’m wearing skin!” The Muskrat Cavalry Hat. Now, I do love the bones, but it’s just a
bad hat still. Why did cavalry use this? The Plantation Slouch Hat. I understand that all hats are not built for
every person. Arthur, it just doesn’t suit your face very
well. The Military Scout Hat. It’s like if the person who made the Western
Hat actually gave a shit. The Plantation Hat. Look, Arthur, I already said, it doesn’t suit
your bone structure, so pack it up. The Legendary Coyote Mountain Hat. What did you do to this beautiful animal? It looks like somebody took their hand out
of a Jim Henson puppet. The Worn Gambler’s Hat. It’s a staple, but it’s kind of ratty. The Big City Hat. “Oh, I’m from the big city. I only care about minimalism. I wear black so it goes with everything.” Don’t sell out, Arthur. The Legendary Cougar Flop Hat. I mean, it’s fancy, but in a “Let me tell
you about my crystal collection” sort of way. No hat. We’re at the midway point. Anything before this is worse than just having
a nude head. But we’re also tied with Arthur’s Gambler’s
Hat, which means it’s time for me to introduce my secret fourth criteria: The Tipping Point. Which of these hats looks better when you
tip it and say, “Howdy.” It’s obviously the gambler’s hat. We got another tie. The Grenadier Hat and the Derby Hat. Derby Hat has to win this one because the
Grenadier Hat doesn’t have a rim. How would you tip it? Also, it’s just a lot. Looks like we’ve got a three-way tie here. I’m just gonna go ahead and put Legendary
Ram Hat down at the bottom because it looks like something you stole from Jamiroquai’s
basement. The Rolled Derby Hat looks like a sexy devil
could wear it, or someone at a steampunk convention. And now, I know that the Stovepipe Top Hat
has very little functional worth, but I have to stick with my criteria, it’s really fancy,
and really well made. I gotta tip my hat to the Stovepipe. You gotta do a lot for that. That’s a power play. Straight into another tie, the Estate Boss
Hat is a solid piece of work. And about as exciting as its name suggests. The Legendary Bear Head Hat is a bit rough
around the edges, and probably smells as good as it looks. The tipping point goes to the Legendary Bear
Head Hat. Because, can you imagine someone tipping that
at you? HOOO! The Elk Flop Hat. It’s the embodiment of “Howdy, pardner.” The Panama Hat. It’s as close as we’ve gotten to an archetypal
cowboy hat. It’s got the altitude, the latitude, and the
attitude. Another tie! The Raccoon Hat is just a palette swap of
the Legendary Coyote Hat, but with better form. Uh, also, is that a raccoon? But obviously the tipping point is going to
go to the Bulldogger Hat. Now that… is a cowboy hat. *bad western accent* NOW THAT’S A COWBOY HAT. The High Crown Bowler Hat is just a fortress
of a hat, you couldn’t get through that baby. Pat: You could shoot a cannon at this fucker! Brian: You could shoot a cannon at this fucker! But the tipping point goes to the Stalker
Hat. That’s… it’s more… it’s easier to tip,
I guess. I dunno. There are a lot of hats. Next tie: The Beaver Drifter Hat. There’s a nice texture on that beaver hat,
but it’s… It makes me uncomfortable to be perfectly
honest. It’s not as good as the Big Valley Hat. This hat looks like success. Paragon Town Hat. It’s got a great curve, and those leather
studs show you it’s being worn by a tough guy. Like Bowser. Or Voldo. The Beaver Big Valley Hat. Look at that purple accenting. Those medallions. As if to say, “I won first prize at being
able to pull this hat off.” The Coyote Gambler’s Hat. Thick band. Fashion forward. Solid as a rock. The Legendary White Bison Hat. It’s ostentatious I’ll grant you that, but
someone walks into my parlor wearing it, I’m not gonna ask any questions. They definitely earned it. Which leaves us with the final two hats. A tie between the Legendary Alligator Gambler’s
Hat and the Good Big Valley Hat. Goddamn that’s a fancy hat. Look at that embossing! Look at those teeth! But is it more powerful than the Good Big
Valley Hat, which certainly lives up to its name. It’s like in Dragon Ball Z when Frieza gets
bigger and bigger with each form, but when he reaches his final form, he’s back to basics. That’s what the Good Big Valley Hat is: Frieza’s
final form. And that’s why I’ve gotta give the tipping
point to the Good Big Valley Hat. And that is the definitive ranking of every
hat in Red Dead Redemption 2. Now I’m going to list every hat that should’ve
been in the game. The beret. The pith helmet. The fascinator. Aretha Franklin’s big bow hat from the 2008
Presidential Inauguration. The fedora. The beanie. The cloche hat. The baseball cap. The supreme hat. The deerstalker hat. The foam oversized cowboy hat. The fez. The boater hat. The sailor cap. The tricorne. The bicorne. Guy Fawke’s sugarloaf. The trapper hat. The poker visor. Cappy. Jim Carrey’s The Mask. Bonnet. Pillbox hat. Witch’s hat. Pharrell William’s Arby’s hat.


Reader Comments

  1. I recently unlocked the legend of the east and the good big valley hats is second favorite to Arthur’s hat

  2. You're discounting so many hats, Algernon's hat wins by an absolute mile on its fance score alone

  3. Stalker hat for me. It was one of my first purchases and I have yet to find a better hat to replace it.

  4. I've lost a lot of respect for BDG today. Who in their right mind would rank the Muskrat Cavalry Hat that low?? Disgraceful!

  5. Civil War Hardee hat is the best hat in the game. It's like the alligator hat but is a nice shade of blue, has a union ties to say "Yo, fuck slavery, I'm out to do the best by people I can." the perfect hat for a High Honor Arthur run.

  6. The muskrat cavalry hat, the deer cavalry hat look better on John Marston pair it with a shotgun coat and cavalry boots and you look far more menacing than the typical mountee from Fort Wallace.

  7. If your child wants to marry someone called Brian who can rank every hat in Red Dead Redemption 2, you should have zero objections.

    Or you should marry him yourself.

  8. If'n you walk into my saloon wearin' a white buffalo skin anything, ya'll can take yer business elsewhere.

  9. one of my favourite Polygon Things is when Pat says something in the background and Brian just repeats it while laughing

  10. The best hat is lemoyne cavalry officers hat, unfortunately, you can’t keep it.

    It looks like Bills hat, with a bugle pin on the front and cord around the middle

  11. I played this game for 5 minutes, killed someone by accident, looked up whether or not that would mess with the story, got the whole thing spoiled and haven't touched it since. That was months ago.

  12. The veteran, Hamish has a unique hat

    MINOR SPOILER

    You can loot it from the ground at the end of veteran IV mission when hes killed by the giant boar

  13. You definitely missed the Nevada hat, at least I think that’s what it was called, a really nice black hat with a gold trim

  14. The Muskrat Calvary Hat is the BEST hat in Red Dead 2, hands down, without exception.
    If you're building a character clad in all black, but with a heart of gold, the MCH is THE most important piece of your wardrobe.
    You, Sir, are a fraud.

  15. Bdg is what every introvert would be if we all suddenly changed to extroverts and its God Damned Amazing.

  16. Most cowboys wore the smaller hat that you probably see as English. The hat you see as a real cowboy hat weren't that common, just in films….

  17. I don't know if im right, i really hope so…..i think that the Snake Bulldogger Hat is inspired by the Snake Hat of Otis Driftwood everything about the 2 hats is a bit different but also the same, also the Legendary Alligator Gamblers Hat has a Rob Zombie feel to it.

  18. Top hats are very useful! They create a pocket of warm air above your head to keep you warm in the winter, and you can keep things in them.

  19. Someone needs to make a mod adding those hats to the game. I could die happy if I got to play as Morgan with an oversized foam cowboy hat.

  20. Wait long enough I'm sure you'll get your wish Brian, someone out there will create a DLC pack for hats. ♡

  21. What I want is one of those thick, furry Russian winter caps. You know, kinda like that one already in the game, but thicker.

  22. Dude you should put your face in the thumbnail, I only watch your videos and I'm sure other people do the same, I didn't know this video was yours

  23. The only thing I'm upset about in this video is that Brian and Pat didn't get their studio to film in and waste paper like usual. Top tier rankings.

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