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Official Ron White – 'Coupins'

Official Ron White – 'Coupins'

so it's great to be back in Kalamazoo at the last time I was here they took me to the Blues Festival which it I love the Blues but they need to figure out some problems with the festival I don't think I don't like the party anywhere where you can't just give somebody money and they give you back a beer you know what I mean I stood in line for an hour my mouth is dry I want a beer I love beer I know they're selling beer people are walking away with the front of the line they've got beer that's how I figured the whole thing out I get up there I give the guy my money goes we don't take money here what do you take coupons ha poopins where do I get a coupon you see that line over there it takes forever I stood in that line for an hour I got to show them a driver's license birth certificate fill out a form they mail that away send me back some coupons what are you doing Ron I'm waiting on UPS sir there's a good chance I'll have a beer by Thursday I'm partying like a Kennedy right now I was game to add a hundred bucks cash on me about a hundred bucks worth of coupons and then some guys it took me there asked me if I wanted to go to a topless club and I didn't want to go I just ended up going cuz you guys back me up on this you've seen one woman naked do you want to see the rest of neck there could be an old biker chick you know they're going to hang down to here you'll see Matt teen easy yeah dude all right that's enough rolling back up things that make you go and then closing time came around and the tabs came out and I found out the titty bar don't accept them cooping a guy Taco Bell told me to kiss his ass I'll give you $40 where the coupons for a burrito with cheese it's all I've got it's a coupon so I saw something comes close to truth in advertising the De Beers people are almost saying what they really mean because the old De Beers slogan was diamonds are forever then they changed it to this year take her breath away the new slogan is diamonds render her speechless why don't they just go ahead and say it diamonds that'll shut her up for a minute so man I was just in Miami fuck I don't I was a couple years ago so I didn't kiss just would not be the word but I was working there with Fox when Hurricane George hit the keys I just thought this is kind of funny they evacuated the keys and everybody left except for I've been through two hurricanes I was in hurricane Carla when I was a kid in Houston and I was really excited during hurricane time you know because it's out there in the Gulf and it's dangerous and I was like this is cool till shit started hitting our house I was like fuck this but anyway they evacuated the keys and everybody leaves except for one guy who's going to stay there and tie himself to a tree on the beach to prove a point and the point was he said that at 53 years of age he was in good enough physical condition to withstand the wind and the rain from a forestry hurricane all right let me explain something to you it isn't that the wind is blowing it's what the wind is blowing if you get hit with a Volvo it doesn't really matter how many sit-ups you did that morning and if you have a yield sign in your spleen joggin don't come into play I can run 25 miles without stopping you're bleeding shit ma'am last time I was here I had somebody broke into my truck and spelled my radio thank you whoever you were got to drive back to Texas listen the sound to win 449 hours I went to the insurance-company I was filling out these forms and I got to the part on the form where it says what kind of radio was it that's all the guy didn't remember it he said mr. white if you can remember what kind of radio was will know how much money to give you that's some good news right there I thought of a real expensive sounding brand then I wrote it down and he knew I would live mr. white I don't believe Rolex makes a radio it was a clock radio brat to check premium boy they love it when you call them premium boy next time you see your agent call him premium boy you'll get a chuckle

Reader Comments

  1. i would puke if you supported the clintons or ubama. and my gut said you did you faggot!

  2. A drunk old white guy trying to be funny. I don’t find him funny at at all but I admire his tenacity, and it paid off.

  3. Ron White is brilliant!  I never miss him on tour.  Laughing my ass off during the entire show.  You gotta love him.  :0)

  4. 5:07 it was at this point that I started cracking up at nearly midnight while the rest of my family was fast asleep.

    I don't even care how I got here.

  5. I live in Kalamazoo and can confirm that every festival we do has a coupons stand where you buy a raffle ticket and those are used to get drinks. Not just beer. Sodas and water as well. I never understood it but whatever.

  6. The bald skinhead looking dudes in the front row were in a Larry the Cable Guy video in the exact same outfit also in the front row, lol

  7. Not very funny. Can understand why I’ve never heard of this guy. Don’t care for the drink breaks he takes.

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