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EMU WAR : The Movie

EMU WAR : The Movie

“…after yet another French exchange student was eaten alive by a kangaroo-” “G’day mates! Big story today as peace talks between Prime Minister Isaac Martin, and Emu Emperor Quack the 3rd, have finally concluded in an accord. Emu officials have agreed to stop hostilities against Aussies in exchange for some land outback. Citizens living in districts 27 to 31 will now be considered illegal settlers and will be removed.” – Turn that thing off, sweetie… – Wait, isn’t this… where we live? *doorbell ringing* [music] “Emus shall fall, the final brawl Aussies stand tall and face ’em all, together State your name for the record, mate – And you, what’s your name? – Jack Ehm, so… is this the office for international students? – Yeah… Hey, you’re an exchange student too? where are you from? – Oh, I’m from Australia, what about y.. – Australia? Wait… aren’t you the guys who lost a war to a bunch of birds in 1932? – Wait, w-what… – Pfft, stay the hell away from me, you f*cking loser Private Jack Taylor, mate. – So, why’d ya chose to enlist? – The Emus… They took everything from me Mate, where the hell is Billy? – Dunno mate. Said he was stoppin’ by the post office or something shouldn’t take that long. Ah f*ck it, I’ll call him J-Jack, was this… No, no, no, no, NO BILLY, F*CKIN ANSWER ME, PLEASE! And what makes you think joining the Stralian Defence Force will change that? – Supreme leader Mason Johnson. He promised us we would get our revenge You keep talking about “moderate Emus” but I don’t see them. They all look the same to me! I’m sorry, but… you can’t say that! That’s… – That’s what? “speci-ist”? Ya been throwing this word around for so long, it doesn’t mean anything anymore! This Emu problem is all your fault! And now I’m 20 points ahead, and you have no one to blame but yourself! – Ha, I tell ya, when I’m elected, We’ll take care of these flamin’ Emus ONCE AND FOR ALL! And I believe in him *sigh* Good luck to ya mate Death to the Emus. Glory to Stralia. The Emus have regrouped in this area. This is where we will strike ’em. 1st and 2nd armored divisions will attack them from the south You will have full air support. 3rd division will paradrop to the north to prevent any escape attempt Harrass ’em. Hold on for as long as you can but most importantly, we must encircle ’em Only then, can we send in the cavalry and finish them once and for all This is our last chance. We won’t get another. If we fail today, all our children will ever know, will be slavery under Emu oppression. But we will not fail today! Today, we will retake what is ours Today, ‘Stralia will be free again Because we’re survivors We’re the ones who built the artificial gravity to make this hellhole inhabitable in the first place Those ungrateful Emu cunts can only survive off our labor! But today, we say NO MORE! *cheering* DEATH TO THE EMUS! GLORY TO STRALIA! You okay mate? – Yeah, nah… I don’t know I just… – Don’t overthink it We’re gonna make them pay for what they did to Billy Falcon 6-2, this is Sparrow 1-1, we’re approaching the drop zone – Roger 1-1, we’ll soften that LZ for ya Cheers mate, I owe ya a cold one when this is over – Yeah, I guess you’re right “what the… [explosion] I’m hit! Mayday, MAYDAY! Six-two are you still here? – HARRY! Right mates, we’ll be jumping in 2 minutes, so be sure to have y- Jack? – JACK! Mate can you hear me? We gotta get the f*ck out of here! Come on let’s go The bloody hell’s going on here!? – There’s too many of ’em! We can’t hold on much longer! – What about the cavalry? Where are they!? – Listen here cunt Those Emus are too fast and well-organized We have to retreat! – How?! We’re pinned down mate! – Mate, I ain’t retreating You go, I got you covered – James! – No worries. I’ll tell Billy up there you said he’s a sick cunt Now go! – No! GO! DIE YA F*CKIN EMU CUNTS!! Everybody listen! I know what you’re thinking This is the end of Stralia But if we are destined to die, we will go down with honor! We can’t retreat any further and those cunts will not pass this line Every minute we hold them is one more minute our families are free for those Emu pricks Fight to the last mate! – DEATH TO THE EMUS! GLORY TO STRAYA! Set up the machine guns Mate, you okay? – Yeah, nah… I’m going out there I don’t care anymore Just wanna take as many with me as I can Yeah nah mate. You stay here We must hold the line. – THEY’RE COMIIIIING! Mates, it’s been an honor serving with… – Crikey, IT’S THE CAVALRY! We can’t let those bastards get all the glory, come on! Oh forget it, LET’S GO! Mate, I didn’t think we could do this… But, f*ckin’… Taylor You earned my respect I’ll let you do the honors – Supreme leader! – Maaaate! We f*ckin did it sir! We suffered heavy casualties… But we won! We f*cking won! We’re awaiting evac – Evacuation? Why? – Sir? – The Emus… the Emus are defeated! We… – *laugh* Oh, you think so? – Oy… that’s f*ckin bullshit! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE! – You humans never learn, do you? while you were busy taking the bait, We marched through your cities without any resistance WE have won. and now, all that’s left of the Australian Army, is exactly where I wanted it to be “Deactivating artificial gravity in Outback sector 3” – YOU F*CKIN CUUUUUNT!!!!!

Reader Comments

  1. I thought it was the Scots who hated the emus.

    No wait that was goths, I keep mistaking them for each other.

  2. You know, controversy is a great way to make something go viral. So, if supporters of the AEF (Anti-Emu Front) and the APCP (Australian Politically Correct Party) wanna have a political debate here, you guys would be very welcome

  3. Just hold on guys, as soon as I can convince the President that Emus are made of bird meat and oil we'll be there to drop a hundred Mc Donald's on those bastards

  4. 🤠🤠🤠🤠
    Cowabunga it is…
    This Internet Blockbuster shook me to my very core…

  5. I am a war veteran of the emu war
    It was brutal mate those dirty fucking emus they took everything from me those fucking cunts

  6. It was a pleasure working on this. Maybe if Australians didn’t talk so fucking weird, I would’ve been able to do a better job at imitating them lol

  7. This showed up in my recommended, I have a question was this made using the Fallout 3 engine or perhaps Half Life.

  8. Let us all theorize; how in the actuall 'cunt that Emu's expected to survive after that?
    The Entire Human species likely shall empty all of their tsar bombs onto the Australia…

  9. can we have more lore to this emu ruled universe? I wanted to ask so if I become a patron for the Templin institute I wanna see a video essay made on this.

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