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Conan’s Haitian History Lesson – CONAN on TBS

Conan’s Haitian History Lesson  – CONAN on TBS


[Conan Voiceover] When
I heard President Trump had insulted Haiti in the Oval Office. The President asked, “Why are we having all these people “from shithole countries come here?”, referring to African countries and Haiti. The President then went on to talk about how they needed to bring in more people from places like Norway. Now I have no idea what the president has against the people of Haiti, but if the president doesn’t like them, they must be lovely people. [Conan Voiceover] A day later, I was exchanging dollars
for Haitian gourde, and before I knew it, I was in Port-au-Prince receiving a warm welcome
and a bottle of rum. Now this will last me this morning. [Conan Voiceover] To
understand today’s Haiti, you need to know its history. This should only take a
minute and 23 seconds. Before the Europeans came, Haiti was inhabited by the
indigenous Taíno people. Then the Spanish arrived,
conquered the Taínos, plundered their gold, and brought in thousands
of African slaves. Then the French did the same
thing when they took over. Then in 1804, Toussaint Louverture and
Jean-Jacques Dessalines led a slave revolt, defeated the French, and the nation of Haiti was born, but France demanded reparations, and Haiti had to pay them
91 million gold francs. All the while, the poor black majority
fought with the small but wealthy mulattoes, dividing Haiti. Until in 1915, the US invaded to impose stability while also removing the gold from the Haitian National Bank. When the US withdrew, Haiti was led by military juntas and mostly corrupt presidents including Francois “Papa Doc” Duvalier and his son, Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier
who, for the next 30 years, siphoned hundreds of millions
of dollars out of the country, and were followed by
a military government, more appointed presidents, military rulers, an elected leader, more military rulers, another election, then a coup d’etat, a
UN peacekeeping force, and more contested elections. Then a devastating earthquake which killed hundreds of thousands of Haitians followed by food shortages,
an outbreak of cholera, and devastation by hurricanes. In short, the people of
Haiti have been dealt the worst hand in the Western hemisphere, but their spirit remains intact. I couldn’t wait to get outside and meet these wonderful people. (audience cheers) I just bumped into this gentleman. Your name is? Kenzo. You’re very funny. [Conan] Oh, thank you. Yeah mean, I remember
watching a clip on YouTube, you and Kevin Hart. And Ice Cube.
Oh, yeah, Kevin Hart. Yeah, man, and I like Kevin Hart also. Oh, he’s fantastic. He’s the other good fellow I prefer. You know, you’re much
taller than Kevin Hart. Yeah, man, I am. He comes up to here. He comes up to here on you. I watch CNN. Oh, and by the way, on CNN, I used to watch The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer. You know, I love this guy’s a fan of mine and Wolf Blitzer. You’re the only guy that likes both of us. Most people that like him, don’t like me. Hey, how’s it going? Hey, I was watching you this morning. How are you? My wife made me watch you, bro. I really appreciate you saying that. Wait, why did you say my
wife made me watch you? It shouldn’t be that way. That makes it sound like
she made you do the dishes. I wouldn’t mind if she made
me do the dishes as well. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name? Nice to meet you, my name is James. James, you love Haiti? I love Haiti. So, okay, let’s talk about it. President Trump used some really awful language about Haiti last week. He used the word shithole. What words would you
use to describe Haiti? Well, I would describe Haiti
as the backyard of America. If it’s a shithole, then Trump should check out his backyard. You see what I’m saying? That’s fantastic. I haven’t heard anyone say that. According to the history of this country, America has had a lot to do with the condition of this country. I mean, it may not be so beautiful. There’s trash and garbage a
lot of places, but you know, the people of Haiti are brilliant, intelligent
people, and loving people, and well-receiving people. Creative and also really funny. Everyone I run into is really funny. Haitian people, I think that’s one of their strengths because they make a
joke out of everything. You’ve got a very cool,
centered vibe, and I like that. I want to emulate you. Do some yoga. Put some yoga into your life. Yoga? No, no, don’t do that, don’t do that. Why not, why not? Just sit here with your back straight, and close your eyes. Make sure you’re straight, now. Alright, and now just observe your inhalation and your exhalation, and get intimate with
yourself, with your breathing. Okay, I’m intimate with myself. (laughs) Just this morning, in fact. (laughs) You are better at foreign policy than the President of the
United States right now. What’s your full name? My name is James Vergneau. I wish James Vergneau was President of the
United States right now. I really wish that was true. That would be wonderful. [Announcer] James Vergneau believes in men washing dishes, clean backyards, and sitting up straight while
listening to your breath. Plus, he’s been endorsed by
self-pleasurer, Conan O’Brien. So please, help make James Vergneau the next President of the United States. My name is James Vergneau,
and I approve this message. Apparently, there’s a group
over here that’s really angry. They saw me, they know I’m American, and they see my camera crew. We’re being told through our interpreter that when Americans come here, they only shoot the bad
things, which obviously, is not what we want to do. Maybe you can tell them the
reason I’ve come to Haiti (speaks in Haitian Creole) is because I and a lot of Americans are angry about what President Trump said. (speaks in Haitian Creole) So I wanted to come
here and show positive, great, beautiful things about Haiti. (speaks in Haitian Creole) But I understand why
just seeing an American right now with a camera
would make people angry. (speaks in Haitian Creole) I actually wrote a speech, tried to write a speech in Creole, but I can’t say it very well,
about my intentions here. (speaks in Haitian Creole) So you go ahead and tell Trump to go find out about Dessalines. About? Dessalines. Oh, this island, yes. He doesn’t listen to me, Trump. Dessalines. Oh, this island, yes. Trump is not my friend. He doesn’t listen. Jean-Jacques Dessalines. (speaks in Haitian Creole) He doesn’t listen to me,
but I will try and tell him. (speaks in Haitian Creole) Guys, I know a way we can get Trump to watch this message right now, okay? (speaks in Haitian Creole) So take care of that right now so that we know Trump watches, and bang. There you go. Now, you say your message
right there to Trump. (speaks in Haitian Creole) I’m still here, by the way, I’m just trying to participate. Watch what’s going down. It’s just like Thanksgiving at my house.


Reader Comments

  1. Oh my god why does conan believe cnn fake news i bet if a 3 year old toddler said gost are real i bet conan would believe that. Smh

  2. Trump is referring to the bad people who bring drugs sicknesses and Exedra to are country and people who dont like trump please for gods sake stop waching cnn i know you might get made about what i am saying but mostly what they have ob cnn is proven rong . to the people of haitais if even it is true but i dout it trump is not bad he is trying to keep our country safe and clean just like your leader would do to keep you all people of haitais safe and clean

  3. Norway is actually one of the most gorgeous lands on earth + mountains. If you google Norway you can see why it’s more beautiful than Donald.

  4. Haiti is a crap-hole and the US is responsible … Give me a break. How about taking responsibility for their own mess. Look at Dominican Republic and look at Haiti. Both share an island. Dominican Republic is nowhere near as crappy as Haiti.

  5. "You guys have bullied us" is an interesting way to say the clinton foundation stole billions in relief funds from the Haitian people. There's a reason many Haitians in the US absolutely despise the clinton's and the democrat party as a whole.

  6. I like how Conan just glossed over the "defeat of the French." What happened during that revolt? Every white man, woman and child was killed. Well, the men were killed, then the women and children were imprisoned for a few months during which time they were raped routinely, before eventually being executed.

    And you wonder why Haiti is such a shithole today.

  7. Haiti people are nice.. But i wouldn't want to live there.. Do a google search about corruption in haiti (Wikipedia). And you will see its not a great country. 60% in poverty.. and 25% extreme poverty. When government is so corrupt its very bad for the people. Conan not doing the country any favors by denying that the country needs reform and big changes.

  8. Talk 💩 about Trump’s sh$t WORDS, and that is totally fair.

    Leaving out the ACTUAL rape and pillage by the CLINTON foundation of the Haitian people not so much.

  9. I mean he was referring to the country being third world, not the quality of people who live there. R/woosh

  10. U find comedy in every situation and make those comedy to connect people and conect countrys that the thing i love about u

  11. Conan goes to Hati and tells the true history of the French and Spanish slave trade there and some how this ends up being America and Trumps fault that these free black people turned a lush beautiful island into a shithole???

  12. So Haiti is dealing with the things every nation has dealt with, yet it’s still a shithole. They can blame as many people as they want, but it’s their own fault.

  13. Hi conan..visit the Philippines next time😁id be happy to be your tour guide…dont to go to manila.come here in Mindanao…mi casa isu casa

  14. Im pretty sure any city from any country will be nice, meeting a few people and calling haiti beautiful is just a confirmation bias & ignores the actual facts. This is just propaganda.

  15. Well well, did the president really say he doesn't like the people, or did he say why are people coming here from shithole countries?
    I'm not defending Trump but someone just put words in others mouth.

  16. Why doesn’t Conan mention that the Clintons have been stealing money from Haiti 🇭🇹 and during the last Hurricane that devastated Haiti 🇭🇹 President Obama let Bill Clinton through the Clinton Foundation have millions of dollars to help the country rebuild but very little money from the Clintons were ever used to help the people of Haiti 🇭🇹. I didn’t know that Conan doesn’t do his research especially to attack people that deserve it. Conan don’t comment on Politics if you choose the wrong side and at least be honest.

  17. Germans rebuild their country after their whole country was destroyed in ww2. Waiting for africans and haitians do the same instead of blameing

  18. XD When the translator getts pissed killed me. But it was a highly tense situation, of course some words are lost in translation.

  19. Well Haiti is a bad country to leave. Trump shouldn’t you such words but let be honest Haiti is a dangerous country to leave in.

  20. I am From The Dominican Republic
    Conan is Lucky he got out of there with his life
    and he did not get linched

  21. Conan Mon pruvid not supporting
    Our "home" Jah?
    Shirley specs my balls translate to show some f**** respect to our neighbors that elected our President. United States of America is the greatest place on Earth. Your foot sets on foreign soil and youfeell like you lost your Walkman.
    Don't go Bono

  22. Though vulgar, Trump is right about Haiti, mostly because of Haiti's government and corruption (4th most corrupt country on Earth) and 1 in 8 people have AIDS, and child slavery and child rape is very standard in the culture, it's expected. The court-system is worse than Afghanistan's. Californians should bring their whole family to enjoy the culture and become "woke".

  23. These people are touchy.
    So what if Trump called your country a shithole.
    Walk it of and rebuild your country.
    Sticks and stones people.

  24. Something about Dessalines
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1804_Haiti_massacre
    "The 1804 Haiti massacre was carried out against the remaining white population of native French people and French Creoles (or Franco-Haitians) in Haiti by Haitian soldiers under orders from Jean-Jacques Dessalines. He had decreed that all suspected of conspiring in the acts of the expelled army should be put to death.

    The massacre, which took place throughout Haiti, occurred from early January 1804 until 22 April 1804, and resulted in the death of 3,000 to 5,000 men, women, and children. Squads of soldiers moved from house to house, torturing and killing entire families.[3] Even whites who had been friendly and sympathetic to the black population were imprisoned and later killed. A second wave of massacres targeted white women and children."

  25. This is the perfect example that a good heart can bring white and black and blue and green people together in love. Love each other guys and dont make war. And f*ck money its just a peace of paper ❤️❤️

  26. ask cnn for a source of the quote, when they don't give it to you; tell me how much you trust what they say. but i agree, the hatians are cool as f***

  27. That was from CNN and The Washington Post. So basically you can get the same information by reading a children’s book. Cmon Conan your better than that, I know you’re not a total lib tard.

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